The father is who...??

[crazy_about_it]

Okay, that's weird. Why am I getting email from some medical lab? This better not be more junk mail about increasing the size of my...

Why is it dated years in the future?




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To: dante@islandmail.net
From: Fortuna Capital Genetics Lab
Cc: nero@islandmail.net, vergil@islandmail.net


Dear Mr. Dante,

Enclosed are the results of the paternity test.


Case Number: 65473118

Alleged Father: Dante
Child: Nero
Mother: UNKNOWN


The alleged father is excluded as being the biological father of the child.

The results of the avuncular DNA test indicate a close relationship. The alleged father is likely to be the uncle of the child. The results conclusively support the biological relationship, in the absence of a direct paternity test.

If you have any questions about the results of the tests, please call us during business hours and provide your case number given above.



Please do not reply to this email. This mailbox is used for automated notification email only and is not monitored for incoming email. You will not receive a response.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


...

This is a joke, right?

Right?

Comments

[revmysword.livejournal.com]

*guess who just read his email*

Dante, what the fuck is this?

[crazy_about_it]

*still looking shocked* Why are you asking me?

[revmysword.livejournal.com]

Oh, I dunno, because it's addressed to you?

[might-controls.livejournal.com]

*HELLO SON.* ...

[revmysword.livejournal.com]

What are you glaring at me for?

[lonewildwolf.livejournal.com]

*sup, peeking over your shoulder Dante o/*

What's a joke now?

[crazy_about_it]

This... *gesturing towards his laptop* ...email.

*possibly as close to speechless as he's ever going to get*

[lonewildwolf.livejournal.com]

Okay! Let's see heeeere... *leaning closer to read the email*

Dear Mr. Dante... dadadadadaaaa.... please call us during business hours... dadada-- aaaaaaand, done.

... huh. Congratulations?

[sumireverse]

Dante-san, what's wrong?

[crazy_about_it]

*still just kind of staring at his laptop*

Uh... Do you know Nero?

[sumireverse]

Yes, I've met him before actually! He's a half-demon like you isn't he?

[crazy_about_it]

Uh, thanks, I guess. It's gotta be a joke though.

[might-controls.livejournal.com]

*whoops has already checked his email, and looks none too pleased* ...

[crazy_about_it]

... *very familiar with that look* Before you start flinging swords, I had nothing to do with this.

[might-controls.livejournal.com]

*as well you should be >|* Odd, since it seems to be the type of practical joke you would find particularly amusing.

[reasontorun.livejournal.com]

Eh? A medical lab?

[crazy_about_it]

*still processing* Uh... yeah. Genetics lab, or something.

[spellcast]

*looking over your shoulder*

Huh. Well, doesn't THAT explain everything.

[crazy_about_it]

*turning to look at her* How does that... *pointing at the email* explain anything?

[flameoff.livejournal.com]

What's a joke? About a future kid or something?

[crazy_about_it]

Sort of. Except the "future kid" is here, and he's the same age as me, which means he's the same age as his "father", who happens to be my twin brother.

... My head hurts.

[raisedbycrows.livejournal.com]

Sounds like spam mail to me.

[crazy_about_it]

What's spam got to do with it? *slightly computer challenged here*